Not Enough, Forever Waiting, and the Motherless

This post is dedicated to all mothers, all those who are waiting to be mothers, and all those who have lost their mother.

Mother’s Day is big enough to hold our joyful celebrations and our sorrows. Our feelings of inadequacy, grief, anger, or triumph all merge together on this May 12th.

While writing this I conducted a few polls. When I asked if Mother’s Day was a pain-free holiday, 56% of people said NO. When I asked what words we associate with Mother’s Day, many said “loss” or “forgotten.” Surely, there has to be more about this day than Hallmark cards or cute crafts.

There is no need to hide or stuff our emotions, avoid our pain, or downplay our utter excitement. We can all share in Mother’s Day in our own way, which is part of what makes it beautiful.

Dear Not-Enough Mama

You may not feel like you deserve to be celebrated today. You look at other moms on social media and they seem to have it all put together. You feel like you’re in survival mode, and are not doing anything of significance.

  • You do not feel like enough.
  • Your house is usually a total mess, no matter how hard you try.
  • The dishes are stacked in the sink, and the laundry is piled in baskets.
  • Your body looks different, and it’s not the way you pictured it would be.
  • You want to give your husband the attention he deserves, but you sometimes want a nap even more.
  • Your friends often feel left out, and you have a bunch of missed phone calls or text messages.
  • You cup isn’t big enough, you cannot pour into everyone. You’re running on empty.

THAT is why you deserve to be celebrated.

Mother’s Day is about embracing the imperfect, exhausting, chaotic, and beautiful journey. No one every truly feels like they are “more than enough,” or that they don’t struggle at all with motherhood. We are free when we all realize that perfection and motherhood do not coexist.

We show up, we try our best, and we learn from our mistakes.

Dear awaiting Mama

  • Your hallways are silent.
  • Your arms are empty.
  • Everyone else seems so happy and put together, while you feel forgotten.
  • You are happy for others, but you also want to curl up and have a good cry.
  • This day seems like the biggest reminder that your dreams haven’t come true.
  • It all cuts deep, and you would like to avoid Mother’s Day altogether.

Here is why YOU deserve to be celebrated:

When infertility robs you of another Mother’s Day, I want you to know that…
Your pain matters. Your story is significant. You deserve to be treated, and to treat yourself on this day. Give yourself the freedom to handle today however YOU need.

I choose to celebrate you on Mother’s Day, and I hope you will, too.

To the Motherless

  • You are living without the one person who you thought would always be there.
  • Whether by death or by choice, your mother is not in your life..and it hurts.
  • You thought unconditional love should be natural, but your mother chose an addiction or her own wants over your needs.
  • You never thought you would be living without a parent at such a young age, or that your children wouldn’t have a grandparent.
  • You don’t like to talk about your pain often, but you wish people remembered you on days like today. It’s a hard day for you every single year.
  • You wish you still had someone to send a Mother’s Day card to, and seeing them plastered in every store does not help.

To the Motherless on Mother’s Day…your pain may be silent, but it is heard. This is not the way it should be, and it is okay to not be okay.

There is a place for all of us on Mother’s Day. It should not really be about the Hallmark cards or family photos on social media.

Mother’s Day is about celebrating our every day moments, the reasons for the sticky fingerprints and spilled milk.

It’s about celebrating our strength as we wait to become a Mom.

It’s about holding onto the good memories of the mother we lost or that left.

For those who have lost a child

Dear sister, I have not forgotten you. While I have had a miscarriage, I do not feel I hold the merit to speak to your unspeakable pain. There are simply no words. I can however offer prayers and a listening ear. Please feel free to contact me. You are loved.